My Mother
April 24th, 1990. This was one of the most defining days of my life. My Mother had been in the hospital for a Quadruple Bypass Surgery on her heart. She had had a Triple Bypass 5 years prior.
April 23rd. It was a week after the surgery that had left half of her upper torso and face paralyzed from a minor stroke that occurred during the surgery. She started to feel sick to her stomach and started complaining of a horrible headache. My sister sent me home and she stayed behind to help take care of our Mom. Early the next morning she called to tell us to come to the hospital immediately.
At least this is how my 32 year old brain remembers it after 18 years. I was only 14 years old at the time and probably don't remember it all correctly.
My middle sister and I get to the hospital to find out our Mother was in a coma. The stroke had caused a clot which went to her brain causing an aneurysm. A few hours later my sisters decided it was best to let her go and they turned off the machines.
You have to realize, my sisters were 19 and 21 at the time. So they were significantly older then me, but really still very young to have to make these types of decisions. I was obviously not old enough at all. And my parents were divorced. Actually, my Father was off in Reno at the time getting married. Go figure.
So there you have it. 18 years ago today my Mother passed away. I was then sent to go live with my Father who was not fit to take care of me. So I took him to court to have custody revoked from him and won two months after I turned 15.
I have lived longer without my Mother in my life then I have with her. That one thought hurts me more then anything. And every year it only gets worse. I miss her terribly. I hate the fact that my husband never knew her. My kids will never know her. They have no idea that they are suppose to have TWO sets of Grandparents. Luckily the one set they have are just perfect for them, but I am still very sad they don't have MY Mother to be there for them.
She was such a strong woman. The older I get, the more I realize this. She was a single Mother. Her two older daughters were off on their own so it was just her and I. She had open heart surgery but still managed to care for me. I honestly had no idea what we did not have at the time. It is only until now that I realize just how poor off we really were. My Mother never made me feel like we were poor off. My oldest sister has been telling me stories about how once we only had like $.57 to our name and no food in the house. But my Mom figured it out and got us fed. But my sister told me she did not eat. I was too young and never noticed this. My sister has many stories like this that I never knew about. My Mother always found a way to provide for me. She was an amazing woman and I am sad that I am only now realizing this with no way to let her know.
I have wonderful memories of her that I will cherish forever. Memories I can only hope to make with my girls for them to carry with them through their lives.
Mom, I love you and I miss you dearly. You were an amazing woman and Mother. You raised three beautiful and loving daughters. You would be very proud of us. You should be very proud of yourself.
I am so sorry Jamie! Losing a parent is definitely not easy. I can not imagine if I would have had to go through it 10 years earlier than I did. Hold your girls tight today!!
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Jamie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what kind of wonderful woman your mom must have been knowing what a kind & amazing woman and mom that you are!
Hopefully though, your mom knew Jesus as her savior and you can rest in the fact that if you trust in him too, you will see her again one day and her grandchildren will have the opprotunity to know her in Heaven too!
Ms. Julie
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This is a very touching post. Great writing, Jamie. It is beautiful...
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Big HUGS! I know exactly how you feel, really. It is hard to live without your Mom.
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Oh Jamie, I just cannot imagine. I lost my mom a few years ago, and while it was, and is still VERY heartbreaking, I cannot imagine going through all of that while you are so young.
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